My story, or why I write about travel in India
Elephant blessing in Kancheepuram, Tamil Nadu, India, 2006
Creativity: The missing link
I recently realized that my story doesn’t actually appear anywhere on my blog. By that I mean, a concise telling of why I blog about India. And it’s not like I just started this. I’ve been traveling in India, and blogging about it, for six years. But it feels like it’s time, especially since Sir Ken Robinson helped provide me with some new insight.
In early December of 2011, I marked the six-year anniversary of landing in India for the first time by publishing Six years of travel writing and blogging. A while later, I was on Twitter and saw a Tweet from @SirKenRobinson, which said he was writing about passion. You have probably seen Sir Ken’s video — the most famous TED video ever, about how school kills creativity in kids.
I tweeted my six year blog to Sir Ken, he read it and retweeted it, and the next day his co-author Lou Aronica contacted me and interviewed me for their new book, Finding Your Element — which is a follow-up to their bestseller about passion called The Element. The interview with Lou was cathartic and made me realize why I do a lot of the things I do: it’s because I am a deeply creative person who has never had my creativity supported. Well, certainly not in school.
Alice in Wonderland
So now I see more clearly a thread running through my life, which goes like this. I taught myself to read before starting school. I had a sensitive nervous system and was absent one-third of each school year, but was always at the top of my class. By the age of 10 I was reading Dickens. In short, I was bright, creative and “precocious” (the word my mom used to describe me, along with pensive and sensitive – she often compared me to Alice in Wonderland, and we even looked alike with long blonde hair held back by a hairband.).
But I experienced childhood trauma (too personal to discuss here) and my school didn’t know what to do with me so they had me skip two grades. I was too young when I entered high school, and quit the day I turned 16. It didn’t help that my family felt apart at about that time, and for a while I had no place to live. I was born sensitive, so add childhood trauma, a botched education and sudden lack of family support when I was about 17, and you get a mega-dose of teenage angst. My teenage years were filled with emotional problems. I was even hospitalized for three weeks for depression.
By the time I reached adulthood, I didn’t know who I was, and I was operating in a kind of survival mode.
When I was young, before everything fell apart, I wanted to study comparative religion, English and mythology at university. But instead, I went to college for journalism because it was more practical. My dreams were so deeply buried, I didn’t know they existed. I worked in communications for many years, drifting from one job to another. (And from one boyfriend to another.) Rootless. Passionless.
There were a few highpoints and I did have some fun, though. In my 20s, I was part of the alternative music demi monde scene in Toronto and partied “like it was 1999″ in the early 1980s, with bands like Duran Duran, The The and The Psychedelic Furs. After graduating with a BA in journalism I worked at a leading fashion magazine. Then, I worked in the film industry and attended several films festivals, including Cannes, and met loads of movie stars. (Big deal. Anthony Hopkins stands out, very gentlemanly.) I traveled a lot, through France, to central America, many times to London, New York and once to Paris. When I was about 30, I moved to Tokyo, Japan with my film executive boyfriend, and traveled from there to Australia, Hong Kong and Thailand.
My mom, me and my sister Victoria during my groovy years, circe 1983
There were some low points, too: my best friend killed herself. I had ongoing issues with anxiety and depression and became addicted to anti-anxiety pills. Financial troubles dogged me as I tried to pursue a writing career, and once found myself on welfare, and visiting a food bank.
In my 30s I experienced a crisis and started therapy, and realized I was deeply affected by childhood abuse. I dedicated many years to healing from it, and even gained a certificate in Gestalt Therapy, practising part-time for seven years.
Loss, trauma and my bleakest hour
In my late 30s I was hit by a series of traumas. In a few short years my father declared bankruptcy and we lost our family cottage (which was like losing a family member); my mother died suddenly and unexpectedly and I found her body; my fiance left me, with an expensive wedding dress in the closet; I had a bicycle accident and broke my elbow; and my father died of cancer.
During yoga teacher training. Photo courtesy Christine Lynes.
By the end of it, I was flattened. I was in my 40s, unmarried, no kids, no career, no parents, no money. I was in a deep depression, filled with feelings of grief and irreconcilable loss. None of my early potential had manifested, my dreams were long-lost. It was my bleakest hour.
Slowly, like the ice thaw in early spring. I came out of the depression by doing yoga, and by deciding to go after a dream: to become a yoga teacher. Though I was the oldest and least flexible person in my class, I threw myself into the training program and midway through, had a strange, kundalini-like experience.
A teacher who had lately returned from training in India really impacted me, and somehow I started releasing energy, or channeling energy, and went into a kind of altered state. It happened at the same time as the tsunami in southeast Asia; and for me, it was like a personal tsunami. In three weeks, I lost 15 pounds. And I was gripped with a compulsion to go to India. I had never felt anything like it before, and I had to obey.
I started planning and saving and about 11 months later left for India on December 5, 2005, for a six-month odyssey. I have written probably a half-million words about the affect that trip had on me. How it gave me back my dreams, recharged my life, made me feel I was finally home and provided me with the inspiration to finally start my writing career. I had wanted to be a writer since childhood, but I didn’t have my subject matter until I went to India.
1,001 Tales of the Arabian Nights
When I was a child I was obsessed with the 1,001 Tales of the Arabian Nights and painted huge murals on my walls, of genies coming out of bottles and maharaja palaces. In India, I found the real-life version of my childhood walls; and the inspirational spark to ignite my imagination. India is my soul’s home and my muse.
I’ve found my dreams, and they are traveling (especially in India and Asia), writing and yoga. And I have followed them whole-heartedly for the last few years, because they were buried for so long. Followed them irrationally and without thought to where they would lead. Followed them without knowing how I would support myself financially. I’ve been to India on five lengthy trips and published loads of blogs, articles, a book. I’ve been asked to speak, I’ve been interviewed and I’ve had some fantastic adventures like attending the Kumbh Mela and dancing with Shahrukh Khan. It’s been a magic carpet ride. But I’ve done it with almost no real support, or financial return.
My interview for Lou Aronica and Sir Ken Robinson’s book seemed to bring things full circle for me; it provided a big puzzle piece. I am the same pensive girl, lost in my imagination, dreaming of the “exotic” Orient, making up stories, wishing I could live in my imaginary world, that I was in childhood. A grown-up cross between Alice in Wonderland, having adventures, and Scheherazade, spinning tales. But now I’m trying to make a livelihood from it as a travel writer and blogger who specializes in writing about Asia and meaningful travel.
So, that’s my story. I am now trying to figure out how to bring the “real world” and the world of my imagination together, so I can live a sustainable, creative life. And I’m trying to break the pattern of not having enough support in my life. It’s hard.
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Wow. I love hearing peoples stories – especially when they turn out so well and are so inspirational. Thanks for sharing.
Gillian @OneGiantStep recently posted..A Bumpy Ride Into 2012
I’ve always felt some sense of kismet with you and your blog, and now I know why. Thank you for sharing your story so bravely, and for pursuing your passion so boldly. You will serve as an inspiration to anyone who has suffered through hardships, but refused to be defeated by them. Great, great post!
Bret @ Green Global Travel recently posted..Announcing Our First Big Adventure of 2012!
Wow, thanks Bret! I feel the same way about you. I hope we get to meet one of these days. It’s so great what you’re doing with Green Global Travel!
I’d like to add one word to how you describe yourself, my friend: Brave.
Thank you for sharing your brave story.
For years now (and “this” came to me in India as well) I’ve believed in the adage: it’s not what happens to you that’s important, it’s what you do about it . . . and you have responded wisely, intuitively and strongly.
I can only quote (and in place of “Grand Canyon” sub India) my favorite author – Barry Lopez: “The living of life, any life, involves great and private pain, much of which we share with no one. In such places as the (inner gorge) of the Grand Canyon, the pain trails away from us. It is not so quiet there or so removed that we can hear ourselves think – that comes later. We can hear out heartbeat. That comes first.”
Peace to you on your journey. Keep sharing
Hi Gillian, thanks for your comment. I like people’s stories too. We are all thick books, with complex plot lines, a cast of thousands and, perhaps, a twist at the end …
Hello OneWeirdWord, I am at an advantage because I know who you are! That is a nice thing to say. Sometimes, you just have to put it out there. We are all struggling, and you just never know how exposing your struggle can help someone else. Especially since I have this new passion to join people like Ken Robinson and support creativity.
Nice quote, Scott! I don’t know Barry Lopez or his work, but I think I have to find out!
Hi Mariellen
You write beautifully
Like you I have a dream, but still need a couple more pieces of the jig-saw to fall in place and they will do so – very soon.
I too have been inspired by Sir Ken and bought and read his book The Element.
Your story reminds me of this lady
http://youtu.be/kUtH0DDJorM
Ste
Such a moving post, Mariellen. Thank you for sharing it. You are strong, brave, and an inspiration to travellers, dreamers and anyone who has ever struggled with sadness, pain and loss.
Tammy recently posted..Travel writing tips from a pro: An afternoon with travel writer Alexandra Forbes
Hello Ste, thanks so much for your comment, and for sharing the video. I have posted it to the Breathedreamgo Facebook page — it’s stunning. Very beautiful, calming and inspiring. Thanks so much for sharing it.
Hi Tammy! It’s great to see your comment and I really appreciate your words. We dreamers have to stick together!
First time on your Blog, got its link from your twitter Bio.
Your story is amazing.
Throughout your life you have suffered a lot and it makes my happy when you say India had helped you in coming out from your sorrows.
Best Wishes : )
Thanks so much Abishek, that’s such a nice thing to say. India has its challenges, but it is a very special place.
Proud and honoured to have shared a lot of your story. I appreciate you!
Mariellen,
Much Thanks for sharing your history so openly. The importance of being creative ohhhh yes. I too teach yoga and it as transformative and healing in a special way – I offer my own story (www) and maybe you’ll get a similar inspiration reading it, that you provided us with yours.
I’m heading to India at the end of this month (Chennai 4wks, then Rishikesh
) and I must admit just now I’m beginning to get nervous about travelling alone after reading more online. I will definitely be keeping in mind your own recommendations about keeping a positive attitude and such.
Happy Travels
This very nice blog good writing scripting. good story
Hello Jeffrey, Nervous is okay
I will be looking forward to hearing about your journeys. Are you doing the one-month intensive at Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram? I did that program, it;s excellent. Say hello to Kausthub Desikachar for me!
Hi Mariellen
Yes, the ‘Heart of Yoga’ just like the amazing book of the same name.
REALLY looking forward to the whole experience.
Will relay greetings
Jeffrey
In many ways, your story is my story…the aimlessness, the chasing adrenaline parties w/superstars (even some of the same bands!), the depression/anxiety…the sense of loss & disconnectedness…
I ended up in India much more by mistake…and my India is a very different India. I stay in the north & work with the Tibetan refugee communities, mainly.
Still, it’s always a blessing to find kindred souls.
You are an inspiration!
Keep up the great work!
Tammy Winand recently posted..Cow Cleaning Service
Thanks so much Tammy. Your comment is very moving, and the reason I took a risk and wrote my story. We have to remember that we are all in this together. So great to connect with you online.
How many of us can come out of such sorrows and make a life? You have been fabulous(both in dealing with your sorrows and writing your story so beautifully). Wish you lots of Luck for your writing career
Thanks so much Shreepal. We really do need each other, and the encouragement we can supply to each other. I appreciate your words.
I have read your blog and your piece in Canadian Living Magazine but I never read this. What an inspirational story, and so sad too. I am sorry for all the pain you went through, but you are truly and inspiration. Keep writing, dreaming and most of all taking deep, deep breaths.
Thanks Suzanne, I appreciate the very compassionate response. I suppose if each of us tells our story, and lays bare the truth, it is bound to be quite raw in places. But what matters is the triumph of the human spirit.
Wow…..thats some story…am going through your blog and finding it more interesting by the minute. Keep blogging.
Thanks Janit, so glad you visited. Sometimes, it helps to know more about the person whose words you are reading; and this is one of the key characteristics of blogging — that it is personal and subjective. I’m a trained journalist, but objectivity doesn’t interest me. (And, frankly, I don’t believe in it either.)
Wow Mariellen, you have had so many upheavals to deal with in life. I have had my fair share over the years, however you have climbed your way back up to the top.
I look forward to following your blog.
Nicky Singh.
Hi Mariellen,
A friend forwarded me your information. First off, great job turning hardship into something positive! I have had a similar life shift, where I lost my job and house, and am now living out of my backpack touring around South America and loving every minute of it! I am a writer as well, trying to get established.
My friend indicated that you may be looking for bloggers in the Southern hemisphere to write about sustainable travel. If this is true and you have any information such as writers guidelines, I would love to see if I may contribute.
Thanks in advance, I hope life keeps leading you in positive directions!
Stephanie
Hi Stephanie,
Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it. And it sounds like you can really empathize, from your own experience. Everything happens for a reason, though sometimes it takes awhile before we can see it that why, and understand.
I will email you about the writing opportunity with Travel+Escape. Cheers.
Mariellen
Hi Nicky, Thank you for reading and commenting, especially so quickly after discovering my blog. I appreciate it!!
Bouncing back from setbacks is what’s really important, and why we have to cultivate a positive attitude. I hope you are doing well with your challenges, too. Glad we have connected.
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~If you are planning to go to India, read this first. I have pulled together a packing list and a lot of travel tips, recommended books and do’s and don’ts that will really help make your trip smoother and more enjoyable.
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